polaroid shots

i have enough. of all those people.

from now i'm gonna get away from them, shut myself down

'cause i don't need and not want to care and try.

nothing from me anymore.

i will only give love to myself.

no more talking and responding.

tired of them and want to cut off.

all cords i guess.

silence is my word now.

slow drug in the morning

 

the world has a little bit changed from actually yesterday.
maybe not the world, but me in it.
but it's just a small change and i don't know what will happen next.

but probably only some good things.

let's see. 

anytime and anywhere i have myself.

and i don't must anything. i am free and choose things for myself.

and i can stop everything in one moment.

it's for me, remember that.

what is not, it's not a big deal.

you come through

everything is tough and hurtful when to think of it.

people aren't what they were - what actually is obvious.

but always the little part of me believes that some will stay.

but they are not. so i only can live by myself.

 

tegel see

 

i need to give some space. give some time.

to me and to others.

time doesn't heal, but space is important.

just take some breaths.

berlin memories

 

i'm just in the place i've always been.

on my own, in my room, with a tea and writing posts, listening to music.

i still need to focus on my three aims, one of which is losing weight!

it's not that easy, but i hope slowly, slowly and it will work out.

as it comes to people, they are the most changable things in life.

so i need to get used to it and don't expect anything, don't even count on friends.

it's impossible. and now i need to forget about the future. 

memories will always stay with me, at the tiny moments - feeling and accidents were real.

today is quite a chill day. maybe finally without going out.

again i need to think through all the things i eat and should eat, and make a list.

just music, working on body and thinking about moving out.

nothing else matters as nothing's more shocking anymore.

text book

  

i'm just to too tired of people who claim to be friends.

 i don't need anyone and i don't want to take a part in any of this.

i might go alone through everything. i am myself best friend.

wake up young man

 

 

i am all alone, only for myself.

need to accept that and continue to live calmly for me.

focus on arts, focus on music, on exploring myself.

no one is around, people are changing, relationships too.

and the shot goes through my head and back

 

nothing's shocking, nothing's left

i don't wanna know

new beginning, new chapter.

unfortunately, but waiting for some new things to happen.

can't live the past, need to go forward.

and we'll see what happens.

i let it go. let him go and let me go.

 

one step away

 

the last contact. the last chance. the last thing.

from maximally tomorrow - i will let go.

all the fucking way.

it won't be easy. but after all this time i need a relief.

 and need to let go you and let go me.

accept hurtful things and leave it all.

water from my eyes

i am left alone again. over and over again.

i am rejected as something not worthful even to meet with.

the only thing i can feel is distress and pain. and i don't want to feel anything no more.

the hope dies so rapidly. everything always crushes down.

and i have nothing to even wish for. nothing wild to experience.

nothing's going to be alright. and i don't want to take a part in such reality. 

i am just alone again.

nothing really matters anymore

 

 the truth always hit me with the speed of insentience.

why it has to be so awful. why i'm always something aloof.

never in the firts place. never important. others are. i guess.

i can't stand watching these situations, but i can't stand living without.

i always think that nothing's going to surprise me, and actually it surprises every time.

 i'm in between, sad, rejected and going nowhere.

 

 

 

and the song it spins no more

 

i can't live with that longing. i miss everyday.

and worst part it is, that it will never happen again.

i don't want people, i don't want places and even art.

as long as we stay so far apart.

nothing really matters and nothing will. 

nothing to calm down the longing.

i only want to cry, 'cause most dreams left me, 

and the other i don't need or want.

 

nothing, need

 

nothing really matters. i can't think of any thing.

no future

 

i can't take it. i love too much.

and i'm getting nothing back. nothing anymore.

and the worst part is that nothing will change.

and if - only for worse. i don't know words anymore.

and i don't want to be around here too.

there is nothing more for me and i don't want any of this.

just want to lay down and die.

 

snow

 

 so empty and not capable of fill with love again.

there must be something in the way i feel

 

can't take it, can't imagine.

i don't want to participate in any of this.

 

 

the problem was, she had a little black book

 

nothing really matters, not even today, no matter how hard i try.

i don't want anything. i don't need to experience anything more.

i felt good things. i felt bad. i felt love, i felt passion.

i don't want to be a part of this world, amongst people.

i don't fit and this does not suit me. 

i'm all alone again. and i will be till the end of my (hope short) days.

as i sat sadly

 everyday facts make me sad. people change. feelings change.

and i'm all alone in this. maybe i'm not, but i feel so.

and i don't feel comfortable with myself. not today for sure.

will think about it afternoon. but i feel lost. and i am.

nothing can do to keep

i could never love again. he's the only one for me.

 there is nothing i can do to keep from crying.